Then let it
by MysticFantasy
Summary: After being in the new century for a while, Steve is starting to feel worn down and not caring about his well being. He refuses to believe that anyone cares about him and it sends him into a dark place. Warning: dark Steve theme.
1. Chapter 1

**Then let it**

**By: MysticFantasy**

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Disclaimer: (_I own no part of this movie or the characters in it._)

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Chapter 1

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With a small grunt, Steve jumped toward a railing. He grabbed it and effortlessly swung himself through the air. He let go and flew toward the center of the room where he used his shield to disarm a gunman who had managed to get a solid two rounds before being slammed with the shield.

Steve felt a small sting in his shoulder and side but continued pushing forward. He looked up when he heard tires screeching.

The three remaining men had jumped into their getaway van and were about to get away.

Thinking quickly, Steve threw his shield with all his strength. He watched as the disc shield flew by the van and cut straight through a wire cable that instantly released the load it was holding.

The two ton sized crate fell and landed with great force on the ground. The van containing the three men trying to escape skidded and turned sharply in an attempt to avoid the sudden road block but didn't make it.

Steve watched as the van crashed into the crate. The men and stolen items spilling out from the sides and back doors.

He sighed as he walked over to where his shield and pulled it out from where it was jammed into the wall.

_Another mission accomplished._ he thought without emotion as he slowly made his way toward the doors of the warehouse.

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Steve lightly groaned as he shut the door to his apartment. Upon returning to the helicarrier, he discovered that he'd been shot twice but it was nothing serious. At least, not to a super soldier.

_The_ super soldier.

Locking the two door locks and the extra deadbolt he'd added when he first moved in, he sighed and stood still against the door for a moment.

His enhanced hearing picked up only silence. No one else was in the apartment.

No girlfriend or wife to kiss and greet him, no children to run up and hug their father...No one.

He was alone. Always alone.

No family, no friends...no one.

Figuring he could use a little time to relax, Steve went to the small bathroom and began to fill the tub with hot water. The steam from the water began to collect in the room as he undressed and removed the bandages that had been placed over his wounds.

Turning the water off, Steve eased himself into the tub. He allowed the heat to seep into his body, relaxing his tense muscles and allowing him to push his thoughts to the back of his mind for the moment.

Holding his breath, he sank under the waters surface and remained there for a few seconds. He had been fond of water since he was young but because of his poor health he never got to enjoy it much.

Luckily he had learned how to swim but going to beaches was out of the question. He'd been too embarrassed to walk around as a skinny little stick figure and he was sure that the waves would have easily dragged him out to sea.

Sitting up, Steve took in a fresh breath of air and pushed his hair from his face. Sitting back along the rim, he suddenly heard something.

A knocking. Someone knocking on his front door.

Knowing who it might be, Steve stayed where he was and didn't attempt to get out of the tub.

"Steve!"

_Tony._ Steve thought but remained motionless.

"Cap! Open up. I know how to pick locks." the inventor declared.

_Not the ones I have._ Steve thought and heard small scratches coming from the living room. He had no doubt that Tony would try to pick the locks on his door but he was sure that Tony wouldn't know how to expertly pick a deadbolt lock.

Out of the team, he knew that Natasha and Clint could do such a task in under ten seconds at the most. But Tony needed technology to do things, know things. Doing something like picking locks was something that Steve believed was not a skill used often by Tony Stark.

"Ok. You win. This time." Tony called. "But I am going back to the tower and I am bringing Barton and Natasha. You know very well that they could get these locks open. When we come back and we get in there, we want to see if you're ok. We heard what happened during the raid and we want to make sure that you're alright. Ok? I'll be back and I'll bring you food."

Steve admitted that the thought of a hot meal was tempting to get out of the tub and let Tony in but he didn't move an inch and soon heard faint foot steps leaving.

The soldier knew that Tony would make good on his promise and decided that he'd been in the tub long enough.

Draining the water, drying off and getting a first aid kit, Steve wondered why Tony was bothering to pretend to care about him.

He knew that Tony hates his guts because he blames him for his father never paying attention to him as a child. So it confused Steve to know that Tony was here in the first place and was trying to get into his apartment while claiming that he and the others were concerned about his well being.

Dressing his wounds, Steve looked at his apartment and decided that it was good enough for company. Not that he was worried about what Tony, Clint and Natasha thought about his living habitats.

Once his wounds were bandaged and he had a shirt on, he moved to the small kitchen and began making a simple meal.

Tony claimed he would bring food but Steve was sure it would be that awful shwarma stuff. A steak would be so much better.

Luckily, it didn't take long for him to fix his meal and sit at the table to start eating. Just as he was about half way through his steak, his front door suddenly flew open.

He looked up and swallowed his food as Clint and Natasha walked in with Tony right behind them holding a large bag in his hands.

"Hey, I said I was going to bring food." Tony said as he shut the door with his foot.

"Never asked you to." Steve replied after wiping his mouth. "Didn't ask for a break in either."

"Well, you're welcome for us checking up on you." Tony said as he placed the bag on the table.

"Steve, we came to see if you were ok." Natasha said. "We heard what happened during the raid. You got shot? Twice?"

"You heard right." Steve answered. "But I'm fine and I'm trying to enjoy a quiet evening while I can."

"What's up, Cap?" Clint asked. "You alright? Mentally?"

"What does it matter to you three?" Steve asked standing from his seat. "I didn't ask for any of you to come babysit me or be my nurse maid. Now if you don't mind, I would like to be alone."

The three stared at the captain with a look of uncertainty but complied. They left the apartment quietly and left Steve alone.

"Concerned." Steve muttered as he grabbed the bag from the table. "Yeah, right."

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"Something's wrong with him." Natasha said as they came to the parked car.

"Obviously. But he's not going to talk about it." Clint said.

"Think he believes that we're worried about him?" Tony asked standing by the driver's door.

Clint turned, stuck his arms out and caught a bag that seemed to drop out of nowhere. He turned around and the two saw that it was the bag of food they had brought for Steve to eat.

"I believe he thinks we're full of it." the archer answered.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**By: MysticFantasy**

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_Beep...Beep...Beep..._

Steve reached over and turned off his alarm. He was already awake before the alarm even went off. He hadn't been able to really sleep all night.

Normally, he would be up and getting ready for a morning run but he didn't feel like getting out of bed today.

He couldn't even really remember the last time he had slept in or just didn't get out of bed for whatever reason. Definatly before he'd been accepted into the Army.

Maybe he should try to remember what it felt like to not do anything all day.

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Clint pulled back his sleeve and looked at his watch.

5:13 A.M.

"He's always running through here at this time." he said. "Maybe he's late?"

Natasha looked at her partner with a skeptic look.

"OK. Maybe not." Clint admitted as he turned his attention back to the view from the branch they were perched on and continued to look out at the park in hopes of spotting the captain.

"I'm really worried about him, Clint." Natasha admitted. "Something is really bothering him."

"What do you think it might be?" the archer asked. "It has to be something big to get him in the mood he's been in lately. He's hiding himself from us, he won't talk to us, he thinks we don't care about him... What do you think?"

"I don't know." Natasha answered. "But I may go over later and try to talk to him."

"Think he'll let you?" Clint asked. "After the way he was yesterday?"

"I think he may try to ignore me but he's too much of a gentleman to do that. He might listen to me."

"Chilary is dead, my a**." Clint said with a smirk.

"You could learn a thing or two from Steve about that." Natasha said as she stood on the branch.

"But then I wouldn't be that same amazing Hawkeye that everyone knows and loves."

"I'm willing to take that risk." Natasha said.

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Hours later, Natasha was walking down the hallway toward Steve's apartment. She was glad that SHIELD had provided the soldier with a very nice apartment.

She knew a house had been offered to him but for some reason the soldier had turned it down. She figured that he didn't want to live in a big place when it was just him.

Coming to his door, Natasha knocked and waited.

She waited a moment and soon heard three different locks come undone and then the door open a little. She gasped at how awful he looked.

His appearance was always perfect.

His hair was always perfectly combed, his face free of any facial hair, his clothes perfectly ironed...over all perfect.

But now his hair was a mess, a light stubble covered his chin and cheeks and he was still wearing wrinkled pajama's.

"What?" he asked.

That further surprised Natasha. He always greeted her with phrases like 'hello, ma'am', 'good morning, ma'am' or 'nice to see you ma'am'. For him to just flat out get to the point was very concerning for Natasha.

"I was hoping we could talk." she answered.

"So talk." Steve replied through a sigh.

"You going to let me in?" Natasha replied.

"No." he answered bluntly.

Natasha gave him a concerned look which he seemed to pick up right away on what her real reason was for being here.

"Look, I'm fine. Still on my feet, still breathing and still in my right frame of mind. Have a nice afternoon, Natasha." he said before practically slamming the door.

_Ok. I'm _really_ worried now._ Natasha thought. Although she had been trying since day one to get Steve to call her by her name, he had never done it. Being too much of a gentleman, he always called her ma'am or miss. Every now and then he would call her Agent Romanoff.

But she could count on one hand how many times he'd addressed her by her first name.

"Steve!" she said through the door. "Open the door. Please? I just want to talk to you. I swear that whatever we talk about will stay here."

"Go away, please." the soldier replied.

_Well, at least he still has some manners._ Natasha thought.

"Steve, please, you know that I can get in if I want to but I want you to let me in on your own. I know exactly what you're going through. You think you're alone, the world is against you and you have no way of making anything feel normal again."

She remained silent for a moment, believing that Steve may have moved to a point in the apartment where he might be able to hear her. But she was quickly proven wrong when the door opened and she stepped in.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**By: MysticFantasy**

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The apartment was dark, barely any light at all. It looked the same as when she was there yesterday. That was a small plus. The door to the bedroom was wide open and she could easily spot the unmade bed.

Yet another thing Steve was not known for doing.

Being an actual soldier, he had things drilled into him that would stick for life. Making beds every morning was one of those things that the spy knew had become a daily habit for Steve.

"Please, sit." Steve said as he basically flopped and slouched on the couch.

That was also something Natasha had never seen him do unless he was forced to remain planted in a hospital bed after he'd received major injuries in a fight.

Natasha sat down and they were both silent for a few moments before she began talking.

"I went through the exact same thing as you when I first came to SHIELD." she said. "I felt like I had no one on my side and that I was only wanted for my unique skills. I felt that way for a long time but, soon enough, Clint showed me that I didn't have to feel that way. I didn't have a time leap to send me into a depressed state but I can understand how you must feel. Knowing that you've lost everyone can really have a toll on you and being put in a new place, and time, with different people can be even harder. You don't know anyone and they don't know you. I know that it's hard to accept but there are people around you that care about you and are worried about you."

Steve stayed silent for a few moments. His thoughts were all over the place with what Natasha just said.

He hadn't gotten to know her very well but knew that hearing something truthful and honest from her was far and few in between. It was the right choice to accept and savor it when given.

"Steve?"

The soldier stood and motioned to the door.

Natasha didn't argue. She quietly stood up and walked over to the door as he opened it for her. Before stepping outside, she turned back to look at Steve straight in the eye.

"Steve, if this is how you're going to be living your life, it'll kill you."

"Then let it." he replied and shut the door.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**By: MysticFantasy**

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A/N: _Found a pic of a scene from Captain America Winter Soldier. Steve is going to be in his heroic age costume (homer simpson drool at thought) and Natasha has straight hair._

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"Well?" Clint asked as Natasha made her appearance in the common room of Stark Tower.

"He said he doesn't care if anything happens to him or not." Natasha answered.

Tony and Clint were silent as they absorbed her words. They were truly surprised to hear that their captain didn't care if he lived or not. Though they could understand his situation.

Seventy years out of his time in a new world where nothing made sense and everyone he knew was gone or on that verge.

As far as Steve knew, he was the last person from his time still alive.

The thought of that kind of isolation alone would make someone snap or go into a deep depression.

Steve already seemed to be heading into that depression and fast. The others were becoming more and more concerned about their captain but he wasn't letting any of them help him.

"What can we do to get him to see that we really do care about him?" Clint asked.

"We can do whatever we can but he's the one who's going to need to believe it." Tony said. "Maybe we can get him to come live in the tower."

"That is going to take a _lot_ of time and effort." Natasha said. "But we should try it. Maybe being around the people who care about him will make him open his eyes."

"It's worth a shot." Clint said. "We should probably try to start convincing him to move in as soon as possible."

"I'll go back to his apartment later tonight." Natasha said.

"Maybe one of us should go this time." Clint suggested.

"I think I should go. He won't hurt me but he could very well kill one of you if he isn't in the mood to talk or listen to anyone." Natasha reminded.

"Good point." the archer agreed.

"Take him some food too." Tony said. "We have no idea when he last had a good solid meal."

Natasha nodded and began thinking of a good way to talk to Steve without having him throw her out of his apartment.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**By: MysticFantasy**

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Natasha carefully held the bag in her arms as she walked to Steve's door. She was really hoping that he would let her in so they could talk.

Even though most people believed that she didn't care for others, she was really worried about him.

Coming to his door, she knocked a few times and waited. The warmth of the bag seeped into her arms and hands as seconds slowly passed.

A small click alerted her that Steve was at the door and, sure enough, it opened and he stood on the other side.

She right away noticed the bags under his eyes and the small stubble covering his face.

"Hi." she greeted. "Can we talk?"

Steve didn't look like he was going to answer her but then he stepped to the side and allowed her in, closing the door once she was inside.

The spy was glad to see that his apartment was still neat and orderly. She had been afraid that it might be a total mess. Worse than the lab after Tony and Bruce pulled an all night experiment.

She walked over to the table and placed the bag down.

"I brought you something to eat." she said.

"Thanks." he said. "Thirsty?"

"No, thanks."

"So...what do you want to talk about?"

"Steve, I want to know why you've been so down lately." she flat out said. "I'm really worried about you and so are the others. We just want to know what we can do to help you."

"There's nothing any of you can do to help me." Steve said. "None of you could possibly understand my situation."

"Finding yourself cast in the future without warning?"

Steve nodded.

"Steve, you're right. We can't possibly understand what it's like to be thrown almost a whole century into the future with everyone we know left behind. For you, it happened in an instant. No time to prepare for it or anything. None of us went through something like that but...we want to help you see that you've been given a second chance at life."

"And what chance would that be? Am I suppose to suddenly be this era's greatest hope? Then what? Date? Start a family? Actually have friends?"

"You don't think of us as your friends?" she asked a little surprised.

"We're teammates and co-workers."

Natasha lightly sighed. It actually stung a little at hearing him say that he didn't think of the team as his friends. Just people that he worked with and fought alongside with.

"Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do for me Natasha but...it's not going to change anything. I'm a man out of time who doesn't belong in this era or any other except my own. Only I'm stuck here."

Natasha lightly glared at him.

Stuck?! He was _stuck_ here?!

"You really don't believe that we care about you, do you?" she asked.

"I know all of you planned these little visits as a way to see if I'm still alive and not planning anything stupid. Don't worry. I'm not. But I know that all of you just see Captain America. Not Steve Rogers."

_Ding._

Natasha felt like a curtain just opened and let in enough light to fill the entire apartment.

Steve wasn't just alone, he felt that everyone just saw the super soldier and not the man. He was already out of his time and in another where people knew the legend of Captain America but not the man behind the stripes.

He felt like everyone had forgotten about him and everything he had done during the war. That he was just another nameless person who did more than his part only to be pushed aside.

He was down right feelings truly alone.

Everyone he knew was gone and he felt everyone didn't even know the real name of Captain America.

Natasha walked over and wrapped her arms around his torso. She felt Steve tense under her touch but didn't make a move to remove himself.

Instead, she felt his strong arms wrap around her.

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_Sorry for the delayed update and that the chapter is short. The next one will be longer._


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